Someone Who Overcame Anxiety Writes a Poem about PTSD
The Little Know Factor that BlocksRecovery from PTSD by Michael Carlos Simon
Tired of being unhappy?
Is everything energy sapping?
Would you like to move forward
But you keep looking back
With regret and pain,
And revisiting
Unhappy memories
Again and again?
I want you to see that this is contradictory.
Why would you revisit bad memories
Instead of happy ones?
Why not live them once and move on?
I know the answer but I want you to see
That your mental replays are contradictory.
Living life in the past tense
Doesn't make any sense.
You have a good memory for the bad.
The birds are singing but you are tearful,
Because the past makes you sad.
People around you are cheerful,
But unfinished business makes you mad.
I want you to see
It's very contradictory.
You want to forget the past,
But remember it compulsively.
There are restorative processes
That can come into play,
Like how a good night's rest sweeps
Trivial memories away.
You wake up fresh and bright
And forget what happened yesterday.
Why are these refreshing processes
Not working on what you would like to forget?
It is because these memories have not been healed
So they can't be swept out.
They house the pain.
And are still crying out
For the right kind of attention.
You look at them with resentment
But until they are looked at with love
They won't give you contentment.
It's unanimous:
Your negative emotions want to be resolved,
And you want the bad memories dissolved.
Let's now look at why your dilemma is not being solved.
Though your body wants to leave the past behind
And so does your mind,
Something is blocking the resolution's unfoldment
And it is something called resentment.
Each memory is not of just of a past scene.
It houses a story and a meaning.
It tells of a story of betrayal or cruelty,
violence, injustice, neglect, being treated unlovingly,
Or something you're not yet ready to see.
The meaning it may have for you
Is what it seems to say:
I never get any breaks,
Such as "I'm cursed or I'm a fool.
All I do is give and everyone takes.
No one cares, I'm all alone. Everyone is cruel.
God has abandoned me
or does not exist.
I'm a sap for playing by the rules.
I'm unlovable and I let everyone down.
The only direction for me is down."
Whether it has a grain of truth or is an outright lie,
Resentment resistance reinforces it,
Making it stronger the harder you try.
Whether it was an atrocity or a slight
When you react, it is successful in its tease.
The secret is learn to watch from your minds' grandstand,
without giving in to the suggestions on the one hand
or struggling with them on the other hand.
Just watch them parade by one after another.
They are powerless to hurt you anymore,
Once you leave resentment at the door.
It's only your resentment that gives them power.
So stop resenting them this very hour.
The pain is a cry for resolution
Where you can let it all go,
Closing the door,
Turning the page
and moving on.
Your emotions want to let it go
And your mind does too,
And so do you.
What blocks the repair?
Listen closely if you dare,
Here is my conclusion:
Resentment blocks the resolution.
You resent the situation, the pain, the person
You resent others for failing you
And you probably resent yourself too.
The problems and pressures get larger and larger
And resentment makes your coping skills grow smaller.
Resentment renders you inferior
To every pressure you ever encounter -
Exterior or interior.
What you need is someone with understanding
To restore you to good standing.
Someone with wisdom to explain the situation
And acknowledge your hurt and pain.
Not palliative prayer or condescending treatments,
Or words, affirmations and platitudes.
You need someone firm, strong, wise,
And with a caring attitude.
Someone with love to look you in the eyes
And see through your ego's pitiful cries.
Who doesn't feel sorry for you
Who sees your error too
But doesn't condemn and judge you.
You've looked for this agape love from others,
You sensed deep down that it was the solution.
But their light did not have enough understanding
Or the power to effect a resolution.
You need the inner Light,
Call it intuition,
It is from God
And it has the power to make things right.
But before you laugh or is dismiss what I say,
Just know you've probably never
Seen this love in another,
not even once until today.
The light that exists in a person like myself
Is the same light that is within yourself.
You've resented others for not having love
But they were traumatized just like you,
They were full of doubts and insecurities too.
They did the best they could for you.
But you resented them like you resented your dad too.
Now we can explain the mystery
Your eyes will be opened, you will see.
It is resentment that has blocked you from the Light.
Your ego struggles and tried with all its might.
You grew tired and resigned yourself to pain and sorrow,
Then sat back and judged others and threw in the towel.
Each time you have revisited the scene
It is resentment you feel.
Your futile ego pleas
Combined with anger and hostility.
It is resentment that blocks the Light
from dealing with the memory decisively,
And bring catharsis, understanding,
and its resolving power to make things right.
Now perhaps you can understand
the expression "Let go and let God."
It means letting go of resentful resistance,
Standing back and letting God do the job.
He shines His Light
On the scripts, replays and panic,
Just like sun shines on a dirty old towel
and makes it clean and bright,
Without effort on your part. It's sheer magic.
Now the only thing that remains to be seen
Is will you drop resentment and be free?
Copyright 2012 by Michael Carlos Simon and Roland Trujillo
___________________
Information about the mindfulness meditation mentioned in this poem is available at The Center for Common Sense Counseling at www.commonsensecounseling.org
It helps to be able to look at things objectively.
Meditation may be the key.
Learn the art of sitting still
And observing what arises
with mental distance.
Our meditation is complementary
Just keep doing what you're doing
And give it a try - it's free.
