How Do I Calm Down Without Drugs
I always heard and read that golf was like 70 or 80% mental. I'm sure you have heard the same thing--that the mental game is most important--for some individual sport you are interested in, like tennis, darts, bowling, even gymnastics.
It was an old bromide that you hear all the time, but I never really believed it. Just like when we were teenagers and our parents gave us advice. We heard it but didn't really believe it until years later when we suddenly said "ah now I see what my parents meant."
I was sure that golf was mostly technique, swing, putting stroke and so on. But all of a sudden, a couple of weeks ago, I finally really saw that golf is mainly mental.
Somebody once wrote a book which I think was entitled golf is like life. Well, if that is true, then it means that life is mostly about the mental game.
Some people might think that life success has to do with getting good breaks, education, money, luck, knowing the right people, networking, or eating the right diet.
But any of us who has experienced shock, depression, obsessive thoughts, compulsions, or disabling anxiety knows that a bout of depression, a dominating morbid thought, or strong anxieties can ruin your day. One "good" bout of depression can wipe out all the benefits of lucky breaks, a good job, lots of money, or being trim.
Life really does come down to a mental-emotional game. Now I am going to share with you something really profound and beautiful. You won't hear this anywhere else.
Life cannot be manipulated without causing a lot of damage. Those of you who have been around for awhile and have gained some wisdom from your experiences will have discovered that when you manipulate others, it backfires. Blessed is the partner or parent who discovers this early on and stops trying to manipulate and control others.
But some of us are willful, and we keep doing it. Yes, we may fool others for awhile (but we develop contempt for the innocent or naive ones who fall for us). Mostly, others pick up on the manipulations and either rebel or learn to out manipulate the manipulator.
Manipulation does not work. Those who are clever and charming, good at playing the "poor me" role, or skilled motivators seem to be successful. They may get away with it for years (mostly by keeping moving on from one victim or set of victims to another). But the devastation to their soul, their kids, their marriage, their followers or clients leaves a trail of destruction.
There is peace of mind, joy, and true success in modesty, honesty, sincerity, transparency, gentleness, and integrity. Again, this is what we have all heard, and we may or may not really believe it. Perhaps it is easier to understand the obverve, which is that manipulation results in guilt, frustration, destruction of character and failure as a human being.
There is a premium on sincerity. It is something that cannot be manipulated. You cannot make yourself sincere. You can pretend to be sincere, but it is still pretense. And seeing our pretense, we can then put on a show of remorse and disclose our pretense (like the parade of Hollywood types who confess everything on The Tonight Show), but it is still a show for public consumption. There is a secret agenda, in other words.
Now here is the beautiful thing. There is a good karma that attends goodwill on the one hand and a bad karma that attends manipulation on the other. There is a good karma that attends sincerity and a bad karma for pretense.
What is so beautiful about this is that it is a proof that God is good and that He has integrity. He has made something that is pure and which cannot be manufactured. He also reveals that He loves sincerity, truthfulness, honesty and fair dealing. You cannot fool God.
We said that the good life does not come by manipulation. When we try to manipulate good results, it ends up backfiring. The same thing applies to our emotions. Let me explain.
We said that a bout of depression can take away the benefits of any other good things going on. It is emotions--anger, hurt feelings, frustration, resentment, bitterness, self loathing, fear, and so on that put a dark cloud on our mind and life. When we discover that these negative emotions are making us miserable, we try to control them.
We try to control our emotions, but it's like closing the barn door after the horse has already escaped. We try suppressing. We try self medicating (like with alcohol) or even using illegal drugs or marijuana. We try thinking nice rosy thoughts, or meditating on some sound or image. We might try using religion to control our emotions. Maybe we vent our emotions on someone (which is not fair to them and only contributes to a growing guilt). Or we might try talking about our issues with someone, but often talking about our grievances only seems to strengthen and reinforce them.
Finally we might resort to trying to control our emotions with prescription meds.
But the law of life applies to our emotions too. When we try to manipulate our emotions by venting, suppressing, or medicating them, our manipulation backfire.
The emotion might reappear as a sickness or the meds might result in another set of emotions. We might develop side effects and become addicted to boot. We end up with less control and more problems. If they succeed in quieting us, we grow apathetic and slow down.
Why are we never better off? Because we want to feel better without really being better people.
Our efforts to give ourselves peace of mind or a good nature fail, leading to more frustration. Our efforts to manipulate emotions are doomed to backfire because our efforts are insincere. We do not really want to be better people, we want to feel better. Moreover, we are seeking to give ourselves peace and bypass our Creator Who may have something for us to see and learn about ourselves before our symptom is taken away.
However, for the pure in heart, discovering that their clumsy efforts to control their emotions and manipulate moods has made them worse off, if seen and received properly, can be a positive thing. The person sees that truth and reality have integrity and we cannot manipulate our way to true peace of mind and joy by any manufactured or insincere way.
Christ had something to say about this when He spoke of those who try to enter the sheepfold (the blessed, Heavenly state of mind) through some other route than the narrow way will be thrown out. “Most assuredly, I say to you, he who does not enter the sheepfold by the door, but climbs up some other way, the same is a thief and a robber." John 10:1
Basically many of us (until we learn our lesson) want to find peace apart from God. This false path can only lead to more guilt and frustration and bleakness. Can you see why?
We cannot give ourselves peace of mind. True peace of mind and joy are gifts from God to the person who welcomes and acknowledges truth and who is patient (not resentful toward) others.
When we make some goal more important than what is right, and when we grow impatient and resentful toward our fellow humans, we will not have God's approval. Instead of joy and noble and beautiful thoughts coming to mind from abiding in the good graces of God, there is a vacuum. And when we are ambitious or resentful, it is an aspiring vacuum. And into this aspiring vacuum flow the hellish and tormenting thoughts that originate in hell.
Furthermore the actual state of the soul, being empty and guilty (for playing and avoiding God) is negative, and this will attract negative thoughts and notions that correspond to the negative state of the soul. We fear falling because we are falling. We feel blame and self condemnation because our soul is guilty. If we project this blame onto others, we condemn them and then may come to fear them (as in paranoia).
Our guilt for resenting our mom might attracts negative thoughts that something bad might happen to her, for example. When negative thoughts of bad things happening (to our mom, for example) arise, we try to counter them with some ritual or compulsive act. We can become enslaved to these ineffective rituals and mind games. All we have to do is see that the thoughts are only there because we resent our mom. Then all we have to do is drop our resentment (our secret hostility was the cause of our morbid state due to guilt) and then just quietly watch the thoughts until they go away.
So what is to be done? If we can't live with our negative thoughts and emotions, but at the same time we see that our insincere efforts to make ourselves happy fail, then what? The answer is so simple that we miss it. The answer is to regret the way you are. This is similar to but different than throwing in the towel.
In this case, you see that you are helpless to make yourself good. You don't want to go on being resentful or selfishly self preoccupied, but you also realize that you can't change yourself. Simply see the truth. Regret what you see about yourself. See that you are helpless, without resenting it. That's all.
When your helpless cry is sincere, God will hear your cry and come to your aid.
If you have been able to follow me and can see that what I am saying is true, your recovery has already begun. Perhaps now, these chastening insights will permit you to meditate using our simple stillness meditation. It will help you calm down naturally and help you locate your intuition.
You will be able to let go and let God.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Galatians 5:22 and 23.
******************************************
Finding the blessed state of mind
People search for Nirvana, enlightenment or salvation. Like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, who did not realize what a lovely life she had at home in Kansas until she had strayed far and wide, likewise the blessed carefree state of mind is hidden in plain sight. Not everyone will find it, but some will.
.
I have discovered that those who find it are sometimes the most messed up. They are not self righteous or desirous of worldly approval. Instead, they are desirous of truth. The ones who are the most messed up are often those who did not want to become phony, cruel, or shallow.
.
But their big mistake--their mistake of all mistakes--was to become resentful toward other people. And then they doubted the goodness and truth that they had loved in their heart of hearts.
Through doubt they drifted away from the inner home, which they had been close to when they were little children. And through resentment, they began to take in the world. And as the world seeped in, horror of horror, they found themselves becoming just like those they resented on the outside.
If this describes you, then perhaps you are ready to return to what you once knew as a little child but have fallen away from. You want to make the return trip, but don't know how. You keep going out in the world and reacting to people and situations, and flounder.
I am extending my hand in friendship to help you. I will not begin by talking to you about religion or Christ. Such words would most likely only reinforce the "ameners" among you, as one write so aptly said, and drive the rest of you away.
Instead I will begin by giving you the key to calming down and being more dispassionate in the moment. In your current state of mind, any religious or philosophical words, no matter how lofty, will simply get all jumbled up with with emotions, what has impressed itself on you in the past, and preconceived notions.
Were I to talk about religion, it would simple reinforce words or ideas picked up from conditioning of the past, or for others, it would result in an aversion reaction to words or ideas that were forced on them.
But I have found that when we calm down and find the magical viewpoint of objectivity, we stop responding to external words or people, and start responding to inner intuition. Less reactive, calmer, and objective, we can then begin to see for ourselves what is true. Then you will be able to see for yourself and know the truth, not because someone said so, but because you see it is so.
So let's keep it simple.
I promise that for those of you who are sincere, there will be many wonderful discoveries to be made. But first, let's begin with calming down.
If you relate to what I've said, and would like to start calming down and want to start getting back in touch with your own intuition, it might be good to just go ahead and listen to the short meditation, which is free. While you are at it, you can read some of the free information there.
Right now, if you are like most people, you don't need a lot more information. What you need are simple instructions on how to sit still and relate to intuition. Once you learn how to do this simple thing, you will then be able to receive more information.
To find out about the free meditation, click here
It was an old bromide that you hear all the time, but I never really believed it. Just like when we were teenagers and our parents gave us advice. We heard it but didn't really believe it until years later when we suddenly said "ah now I see what my parents meant."
I was sure that golf was mostly technique, swing, putting stroke and so on. But all of a sudden, a couple of weeks ago, I finally really saw that golf is mainly mental.
Somebody once wrote a book which I think was entitled golf is like life. Well, if that is true, then it means that life is mostly about the mental game.
Some people might think that life success has to do with getting good breaks, education, money, luck, knowing the right people, networking, or eating the right diet.
But any of us who has experienced shock, depression, obsessive thoughts, compulsions, or disabling anxiety knows that a bout of depression, a dominating morbid thought, or strong anxieties can ruin your day. One "good" bout of depression can wipe out all the benefits of lucky breaks, a good job, lots of money, or being trim.
Life really does come down to a mental-emotional game. Now I am going to share with you something really profound and beautiful. You won't hear this anywhere else.
Life cannot be manipulated without causing a lot of damage. Those of you who have been around for awhile and have gained some wisdom from your experiences will have discovered that when you manipulate others, it backfires. Blessed is the partner or parent who discovers this early on and stops trying to manipulate and control others.
But some of us are willful, and we keep doing it. Yes, we may fool others for awhile (but we develop contempt for the innocent or naive ones who fall for us). Mostly, others pick up on the manipulations and either rebel or learn to out manipulate the manipulator.
Manipulation does not work. Those who are clever and charming, good at playing the "poor me" role, or skilled motivators seem to be successful. They may get away with it for years (mostly by keeping moving on from one victim or set of victims to another). But the devastation to their soul, their kids, their marriage, their followers or clients leaves a trail of destruction.
There is peace of mind, joy, and true success in modesty, honesty, sincerity, transparency, gentleness, and integrity. Again, this is what we have all heard, and we may or may not really believe it. Perhaps it is easier to understand the obverve, which is that manipulation results in guilt, frustration, destruction of character and failure as a human being.
There is a premium on sincerity. It is something that cannot be manipulated. You cannot make yourself sincere. You can pretend to be sincere, but it is still pretense. And seeing our pretense, we can then put on a show of remorse and disclose our pretense (like the parade of Hollywood types who confess everything on The Tonight Show), but it is still a show for public consumption. There is a secret agenda, in other words.
Now here is the beautiful thing. There is a good karma that attends goodwill on the one hand and a bad karma that attends manipulation on the other. There is a good karma that attends sincerity and a bad karma for pretense.
What is so beautiful about this is that it is a proof that God is good and that He has integrity. He has made something that is pure and which cannot be manufactured. He also reveals that He loves sincerity, truthfulness, honesty and fair dealing. You cannot fool God.
We said that the good life does not come by manipulation. When we try to manipulate good results, it ends up backfiring. The same thing applies to our emotions. Let me explain.
We said that a bout of depression can take away the benefits of any other good things going on. It is emotions--anger, hurt feelings, frustration, resentment, bitterness, self loathing, fear, and so on that put a dark cloud on our mind and life. When we discover that these negative emotions are making us miserable, we try to control them.
We try to control our emotions, but it's like closing the barn door after the horse has already escaped. We try suppressing. We try self medicating (like with alcohol) or even using illegal drugs or marijuana. We try thinking nice rosy thoughts, or meditating on some sound or image. We might try using religion to control our emotions. Maybe we vent our emotions on someone (which is not fair to them and only contributes to a growing guilt). Or we might try talking about our issues with someone, but often talking about our grievances only seems to strengthen and reinforce them.
Finally we might resort to trying to control our emotions with prescription meds.
But the law of life applies to our emotions too. When we try to manipulate our emotions by venting, suppressing, or medicating them, our manipulation backfire.
The emotion might reappear as a sickness or the meds might result in another set of emotions. We might develop side effects and become addicted to boot. We end up with less control and more problems. If they succeed in quieting us, we grow apathetic and slow down.
Why are we never better off? Because we want to feel better without really being better people.
Our efforts to give ourselves peace of mind or a good nature fail, leading to more frustration. Our efforts to manipulate emotions are doomed to backfire because our efforts are insincere. We do not really want to be better people, we want to feel better. Moreover, we are seeking to give ourselves peace and bypass our Creator Who may have something for us to see and learn about ourselves before our symptom is taken away.
However, for the pure in heart, discovering that their clumsy efforts to control their emotions and manipulate moods has made them worse off, if seen and received properly, can be a positive thing. The person sees that truth and reality have integrity and we cannot manipulate our way to true peace of mind and joy by any manufactured or insincere way.
Christ had something to say about this when He spoke of those who try to enter the sheepfold (the blessed, Heavenly state of mind) through some other route than the narrow way will be thrown out. “Most assuredly, I say to you, he who does not enter the sheepfold by the door, but climbs up some other way, the same is a thief and a robber." John 10:1
Basically many of us (until we learn our lesson) want to find peace apart from God. This false path can only lead to more guilt and frustration and bleakness. Can you see why?
We cannot give ourselves peace of mind. True peace of mind and joy are gifts from God to the person who welcomes and acknowledges truth and who is patient (not resentful toward) others.
When we make some goal more important than what is right, and when we grow impatient and resentful toward our fellow humans, we will not have God's approval. Instead of joy and noble and beautiful thoughts coming to mind from abiding in the good graces of God, there is a vacuum. And when we are ambitious or resentful, it is an aspiring vacuum. And into this aspiring vacuum flow the hellish and tormenting thoughts that originate in hell.
Furthermore the actual state of the soul, being empty and guilty (for playing and avoiding God) is negative, and this will attract negative thoughts and notions that correspond to the negative state of the soul. We fear falling because we are falling. We feel blame and self condemnation because our soul is guilty. If we project this blame onto others, we condemn them and then may come to fear them (as in paranoia).
Our guilt for resenting our mom might attracts negative thoughts that something bad might happen to her, for example. When negative thoughts of bad things happening (to our mom, for example) arise, we try to counter them with some ritual or compulsive act. We can become enslaved to these ineffective rituals and mind games. All we have to do is see that the thoughts are only there because we resent our mom. Then all we have to do is drop our resentment (our secret hostility was the cause of our morbid state due to guilt) and then just quietly watch the thoughts until they go away.
So what is to be done? If we can't live with our negative thoughts and emotions, but at the same time we see that our insincere efforts to make ourselves happy fail, then what? The answer is so simple that we miss it. The answer is to regret the way you are. This is similar to but different than throwing in the towel.
In this case, you see that you are helpless to make yourself good. You don't want to go on being resentful or selfishly self preoccupied, but you also realize that you can't change yourself. Simply see the truth. Regret what you see about yourself. See that you are helpless, without resenting it. That's all.
When your helpless cry is sincere, God will hear your cry and come to your aid.
If you have been able to follow me and can see that what I am saying is true, your recovery has already begun. Perhaps now, these chastening insights will permit you to meditate using our simple stillness meditation. It will help you calm down naturally and help you locate your intuition.
You will be able to let go and let God.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Galatians 5:22 and 23.
******************************************
Finding the blessed state of mind
People search for Nirvana, enlightenment or salvation. Like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, who did not realize what a lovely life she had at home in Kansas until she had strayed far and wide, likewise the blessed carefree state of mind is hidden in plain sight. Not everyone will find it, but some will.
.
I have discovered that those who find it are sometimes the most messed up. They are not self righteous or desirous of worldly approval. Instead, they are desirous of truth. The ones who are the most messed up are often those who did not want to become phony, cruel, or shallow.
.
But their big mistake--their mistake of all mistakes--was to become resentful toward other people. And then they doubted the goodness and truth that they had loved in their heart of hearts.
Through doubt they drifted away from the inner home, which they had been close to when they were little children. And through resentment, they began to take in the world. And as the world seeped in, horror of horror, they found themselves becoming just like those they resented on the outside.
If this describes you, then perhaps you are ready to return to what you once knew as a little child but have fallen away from. You want to make the return trip, but don't know how. You keep going out in the world and reacting to people and situations, and flounder.
I am extending my hand in friendship to help you. I will not begin by talking to you about religion or Christ. Such words would most likely only reinforce the "ameners" among you, as one write so aptly said, and drive the rest of you away.
Instead I will begin by giving you the key to calming down and being more dispassionate in the moment. In your current state of mind, any religious or philosophical words, no matter how lofty, will simply get all jumbled up with with emotions, what has impressed itself on you in the past, and preconceived notions.
Were I to talk about religion, it would simple reinforce words or ideas picked up from conditioning of the past, or for others, it would result in an aversion reaction to words or ideas that were forced on them.
But I have found that when we calm down and find the magical viewpoint of objectivity, we stop responding to external words or people, and start responding to inner intuition. Less reactive, calmer, and objective, we can then begin to see for ourselves what is true. Then you will be able to see for yourself and know the truth, not because someone said so, but because you see it is so.
So let's keep it simple.
I promise that for those of you who are sincere, there will be many wonderful discoveries to be made. But first, let's begin with calming down.
If you relate to what I've said, and would like to start calming down and want to start getting back in touch with your own intuition, it might be good to just go ahead and listen to the short meditation, which is free. While you are at it, you can read some of the free information there.
Right now, if you are like most people, you don't need a lot more information. What you need are simple instructions on how to sit still and relate to intuition. Once you learn how to do this simple thing, you will then be able to receive more information.
To find out about the free meditation, click here
